When I left Arizona for California this summer, my lovely Ginger painted my toenails and left me an encrypted message - "Y A N A" spelled out on my toenails. Anyone who is a Dr. Who fan, as Ginger and I are, knows that this is an important theme - You Are Not Alone. I certainly felt very alone as I was dealing with my husband's infidelity and desire to extricate himself from our marriage, but the message from my daughter stayed with me. I didn't remove that nail polish; I let it chip. My toenails grew into monstrous, adorned claws. I wanted the message to stay with me.
I'm back in Arizona now, in my own home; Ginger is with me three nights a week. I spend a great deal of time alone, and yet I am not alone. I've made many new friends, done things I never thought I would do in the restrictive confines of marriage, and continue on a path of self discovery.
Last night a new friend went with me to a tattoo parlor. I relied on Han's expert advice to go to my safe place as the needle etched it's ink into my flesh. Deep breathing, a rocking chair on a wooden porch overlooking reeds and a dock. Deep, deep breathing. That doesn't hurt so much, oooh, oooh, deep breathing, cool salty mist blowing on my face. A sailboat in the distance. Twenty minutes later, I have my eternal reminder that even as I live in my own space, I am definitely not alone.
|YANA designed by Andrea Tripodi Matthes|
Etched by Chris at Living Ink in Tempe, AZ