Today was supposed to be the day I embraced my new life, forged ahead and opened new doors. You know, metaphor, metaphor, metaphor, followed by a smiling Youtube post.
Instead it was a day spent cowering on the sofa, surfing the internet, watching "The Walking Dead" in microburst because I can't sit through an entire episode at once, and sucking my thumb.
Fear overcomes us sometimes. Also sadness. And regret. All of this is often followed by apathy, ennui and eating whilst standing in front of the open refrigerator.
Today was that day.
Then I went to teach my acting class, and Universe gave me words that I needed to hear. From a new friend.
Paraphrasing is about to happen...
"You have to decide to live for your passions or else you get to the end of your life, look back and say, what did I do with my life? You have to step into the fear because that is where the Truth lies. "
He said it so much better than I did. He told me his quick life's story and it was very similar to mine. He told me he had been on a five year journey that lead him to my class.
And I felt like I'd been on a long journey too, just to hear this stranger tell me to lean into the fear, to remember that hiding for a little while is okay -- it's a form of self preservation -- but I must force myself out of my comfort zone and into my new life eventually so it might as well be now.
It's been a long journey so far. I hid for a long time. And now I don't want to hide anymore. Except that I really DO want to hide, which is an excellent sign that I'm ONTO something, which then means that I really DON'T want to hide.
See how easy it is?
Life. You are complex. New friend, you floor me with your wisdom. Welcome the fray.