Saturday, April 13, 2013

Love Yourself; Smell Men

I find it easy to fall in love with men.  They smell so good, they laugh so heartily, they embrace so tightly.  Well the ones I fall for do, anyway.

I love a man who has a light scent of spicy cologne (Yes, I love Old Spice.  So sue me.) I love a man who laughs in a scale that spans several octaves.  I love a man who is willing to try new foods, is willing to sit quietly while you formulate your next thought, and will occasionally buy you a bouquet of daisies and roses for no reason except that he likes flowers and he likes you.

I don't love a man because he smells good, I love that he does smell good.  There's a difference.  The things I've just listed are perks of being in their company, but the things I love about men, when I do love a man, tend to be qualities such as humor, intelligence, creativity, kindness, patience, listening, active participation in life.

These qualities are ones that I possess (well maybe not so much patience, but I'm learning that one.)  What I find myself doing is looking around and seeing these qualities in a man, falling for him, and ignoring my own qualifications for being loved.  If what I love about a person is these qualities, then it should stand to reason that I love these qualities in myself. It should stand to reason that I honor these qualities in myself by actively participating in my life in ways that share these qualities with the world.  But I don't do that.  I forget to love myself first.  I find myself pouring my energies into another person rather than focusing on my self.

Why?

It is easier to lose yourself in another, in a dream or a hope, than to actively live in your own reality.

I am on a journey that begins anew each day.  I am here to love and honor the gifts I have been given. To do so, I must focus inwardly and express my gifts outwardly.  I am trying to find a way to do this, to be balanced and giving and loving and present.

I am not quite divorced yet.  I am not landed on my feet.  I am not my SELF yet.

As I complete the journey towards freedom from my marriage I remember to give myself the gift of love first.

I honor my creativity.  I respect my humor and intelligence. I extend my knowledge to those who may benefit from it.  I am present.  I am here.  I am my own woman.

I am loved.  By me.

But I can still smell men.  (Mmmmm. Ahhhhhh.)

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