Monday, March 10, 2014

The Universe's Smackdown

Last year was an amazing roller coaster ride, this year is more like a merry-go-round.

When my life turned upside down and I had to face the painful truth of a bad marriage and my denial of my circumstances, I got a really good dose of living.  I cried a lot, I laughed a lot, I pursued dreams and accomplished things.  All the while I was doing things like winning major screenwriting awards and graduating from an MFA program, my ex-husband was busy getting hit by cars.  That's right, that was plural.  He was hit by a car a few days before I left for China last year.  He broke both legs, his pelvis and an arm.  Ouch.  And a few days after my birthday he was hit by another car whilst crossing the street. These two accidents mark the sixth and seventh times in his life that he has been struck by a car.

My take on the whole  ex-husband-as-a-car-magnet thing is that the Universe is trying to get him to learn a lesson.  And the Universe will keep dishing out the same "opportunity" until he wakes up and smells the coffee.

Now it's my turn.

This morning I found myself face down on the carpet, having thrown my back out, once again, while picking up a cat.  While I examined the worn down fibers of beige encrusted in something like mac 'n cheese, I had to ask myself,  "What is the lesson the Universe is trying to impart?" Here's what I came up with.

I've been plagued my whole life by underemployment, financial woes, and my weight.

What does it all mean?  How can I veer away from these issues? What is it that I need to change?  How must I grow?

I GET IT, UNIVERSE!  You want me to take care of myself first.

Okay.  I can do that.  But first I just have to make sure that my daughter/boss/friend/pets/landlord/....

Ah.

Taking care of yourself first is no easy task.

Where do I begin?

it might just be that loyalty is my downfall.

I have this core expectation that if I am loyal to someone, that they will reciprocate.  The plan that I have acted on throughout my life is that I will put others' needs before my own and then they will do the same for me.

Oddly, that hasn't worked out so well.

Today is the first day.  Today is the day, driven home by a back wrenching episode of cat lifting. Today begins a journey into Me First Land.

Today I am getting off the merry go round and walking towards my future rather than repeating my past.


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